Where the Hell...?

Let's just cut to the chase.  Here's some biggies that happened in the last year:

1.  The Hubs has a job.  Thank God, right??  It's been over a year since I last posted.  He did end up impressing the competition and went full time.  Every time I hear his truck fire up I seriously say a little thank you prayer because I just love his company so much.

2.  Max has Autism.  Yes uh-huh.  That's what it is.  That thing I've wondered about for years, but people have always brushed it off and shut me down about it.  Diagnosed.  Yep, Autism.

3.  Guess who's going to have another baby.  Ha.  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  Jesus.

4.  Third grade is the first time you have to cumulatively test your homeschool kid here in Georgia.  Then every third year after that.  Coop tested at the highschool level in a lot of the subjects he was tested in.  I had to get that brag in.  Now I shall leave it alone.  But after I say, HEY THIS HOMESCHOOL THING MAY BE WORKING.

So there it is.  Let us start fresh, shall we.  None of those back-em-up-and-explain-what-we're-up-to ridiculously long posts.  That's it in a nutshell:  Autism, pregnancy, homeschool.  That pretty much sums it up.

See you soon.

No, for reals though.

Gluten Free = Exploding Brain.

Going gluten free is stupid.  So there.  Frowny face.  At least, here, at the beginning, I definitely think so.  I thought I would tell you friends about it.  It is obviously important to you.  It makes me happy and sad that my post Sandy Poop is on fire right now.  Sadly, I think Italy must have some big bowel problems as they are checking in a lot more often than the rest of you.  Watch out for tangents...

Anyhoo...  I have always wondered a little what "going gluten free" would do for Max and his Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and his autistic tendencies.  This has always just lived in the back of my mind, especially since he has somehow conned his teacher into believing he is an angel.  I think he is pretty damn great, obviously, but I was hoping he would have the same behavior at school as he does at home.  Twas a no-go.  He is perfect between the hours of 7am and 11am. 

I myself was very much looking for a change of life.  Sitting around with an unemployed husband as "just a housewife" while wondering if the lights would get to stay on while looking at yourself in the mirror and HATING what you see is, well... sad.  Very sad.  I am freaking sick of it.  It also occurred to me a little late in the game that if, damnit, I wanted to go take a walk or work out, there was another person in the house to watch the kids... so what was holding me back???  Anyway, enter my googling tendencies and a slight obsession with Pinterest and you get a bunch of research on the Paleo Diet.  I've always been a bit against any diet that seriously restricts any one food group, but I was pretty interested in the way people said they felt on the diet.  I will say though, that, damnit, I LIKE COW'S MILK.  I 100 percent agree that it is for baby cows, but why do I find it so tasty???  And no cheese?  Well, that's just crazy talk.  Suddenly I realized, there's not much gluten on the Paleo diet.  Actually I wouldn't say suddenly, but eventually it sunk in.  I wanted those results for Max.  What if his slow-to-grow speech or his sensory issues could be resolved by changing his diet?  Don't I owe him at least a try?? 

Kids who have gluten sensitivities often crave items with gluten in them.  Now, I've read the science... can't say that I could repeat it... but I can tell you that it makes sense to me that kids would crave it and get caught in a vicious circle.  I also know I could offer Max 20 chocolate bars or one small bowl of pasta and he would choose the pasta hands-down.  Max is one big pasta noodle. 

It hurts my brain already to go shopping though.  Mama wants to lose weight.  Daddy wants meat.  Cooper wants pizza and hamburgers.  Z, well... doesn't eat anything.  Our food budget is tiny.  I don't like the idea of processed foods.  Or dyes.  Or artificial sugar and additives. I am trying to feed a lot of people on a little money with some ridiculous ideals.  Now I want to go gluten free.  Yep, sounds stupid.  It feels stupid.  ...Unless it gets results.

I figured we would start the process slowly.  That will give me time to stock up and figure out what the hell I am doing.  Max also eats breakfast at school and I know the little Carbo is eating cereal or something with gluten everyday.  Plus, I know this sounds woosy, but I just don't want to discuss a gluten free diet with his teacher.  With only two and a half weeks left of school, I just don't want to have to get into it.

I'll tell you one thing I learned today...  pasta and anything with flour may just not be in Max's diet anymore.  GOOD GOD, the prices.  I thought we would just get him a few gluten free specialty items from the store.  ...stuff to help him ease in, ya know?  Your typical Mueller's pasta was on sale BOGO:  $1.57.  The crap I had to shop from ranged from $1.79 PER BOX FOR 8 OUNCES to $3.39 PER BOX.  Say whaaaaaaaa?  Crazy talk.  Same thing in the cookie aisle.  Same in the crackers.  I knew gluten-free items were often more, but whole DOLLARS worth?  wowza. We may just have to wean the boy to fruits, veggies and meat only because my brain may explode.  But alas, my mantra will be, "Just 30 Days".  If I can just try 30 days solid and see if there is a difference, won't it be worth it?  Damn this junk is hard. 

So there ya go, my fellow friends that like to talk poop and other happenings of the gut.  That's where I am.  We'll see how this goes.

If you ever want some of my "research" check out my Pinterest boards... I'll leave it there for you, my Googling comrades.

Loose End, Loose End. Cut! Cut!

Oh, Monday.  Hello.  There are some days that are just so full, I don't know where to start.  There's just so much crap going on lately and so much to be accomplished that I just almost can't see the forest for the trees.  It's like my big messy garage... there's so much shit in there, I throw up my arms and say, "Eh.  Later."

I thought I'd tie up some loose ends for you.  I mean, because I know you are on the edge of your seat about some things. 

The Damn Weighted Blanket:  not complete.  Well, not started.  Oops.  Could we still use one?  Mayhaps.  Max still wakes up in the middle of the night.  I wouldn't say as often though.  ...and I got such weird advice from everyone.  It's hard to decide where to start... like, SEVERAL people suggested I use BEANS for the weight.  As in, yum-yum-these-beans-are-tasty beans.  Wha???  What happens when he pees the bed?  Can't wash beans.  The Hubs stands by his idea to have my mom crochet washers into a blanket.  Chain-mail?  Sounds painful.  The little booger seems to be doing okay lately.  Back in MAY the school system said THEY would call ME for more specific testing.  Have I heard from them?  Hell-to-the-no.  Thank you for confirming my suspicions, school system.  On a lighter note... due to the sensory issues (I believe), Maximus never wanted to use a cup.  It seemed to cause anxiety over potential spills.  Over the weekend he just decided, "Ima do this."

Now this doesn't mean when it spills he doesn't go ape-shit-crazy.  Screaming, crying and asking one million times (no, for serious), "water-spill???  clean up???" in his Cookie Monster voice.  But at least he tries again and that is an improvement.

Panties?:  I continue to get multiple hits everyday because I have uttered the word 'panties' on this blog.  It was pretty hilarious at first and now slightly annoying.  Here's a non-traditional blogging tip:  use the words fucking, boobs or panties to up your stats, if you're into that sort of thing.  The world is a dirty, dirty place.

Eddie Vedder:  still hasn't called.  What is WRONG with that guy??  sigh.

Rosacea:  it's back bitches.  Two months (?!) ago the dermatologist put me on antibiotics.  Do you know what long-term antibiotics do to a gal?  A pregnant gal???  We won't go there, but I'm done.  If stress is my trigger, it ain't going anywhere.  I'll smear on the cream, think happy thoughts and invest in some plaster-like makeup.  (PS... I hate you, rosacea.)

Anyhoo... we had a pretty shiz-nit weekend.  Here's the pics.

 

 Well, Ima go kick this Monday's ass.

 Here's to you and me having one great get-it-done week.

Five for Friday

Let's wrap up this ridiculous week.  I'm hoping some good weather and (better) adult interaction will rejuvenate my spirits.  I'm ready to put this one to bed.

1.  I went to the dermatologist today.  Whenever I leave the house it just becomes a... thing.  Being pregnant never makes it better.  Well...  being 18 or whatever weeks pregnant doesn't make it better... I just look... squishy...  fluffy... not pregnant.  I like nothing more in the world than feeling absolutely frumpy and having someone wearing high heels and possessing amazing skin tell me, "ooooh THIS is better?!"... referring to my skin that yes, I thought looked better.  Once again, lest you think I am a whiner, I realize this is not cancer, but DAMN.  I just hate acne.  It's all made so much better when I have to navigate public with no makeup.  Really does wonders for the already faltering self esteem.  Bite me, doc.

2.  I forgot to schedule Lola's baptism.  Again.  For the second week.  ...Or rather, for the 17th month, see as how some Catholics schedule their kids' baptism even before they are born.  Ooops.  My bad.  Why can't I remember this?  She is going to look monstrous next to the wee babes.

3.  Here's an idea that came to me in my sleep regarding ye ol' weighted blanket.  Mayhaps shutting my brain off actually accelerates my idea process, as when I am awake there are just simply too many small voices in and around my head.  Ima make my first poly pellet purchase this weekend.  If you're along for the ride or making one yourself, it occurred to me that Michaels puts out a 40% coupon each week.  I'm going to grab enough flyers for the Hubs and I to buy 4 2lb bags.  $8.99 each goes down to $5.40 each.  This excites me.  In pricing the materials I'd need, it began to worry me that the "million dollar" price tag I saw all over the web may just be quite fair.  Anyway, here's a good blog that has instructions for constructing this monstrosity:  The Squishy Pickles  - found it to be the most easily read-able for a gal of my craft-caliber.

4.  I found this Tuesday:

 There are many things going on here:  a kid that enjoys reading, a kid that can keep his siblings busy (wooooooooo hooooooooooooooooo!), another great reason to homeschool...  impromptu reading on a bright and sunny afternoon.  Love.

5.  So the occupational therapist finally called to get this show on the road with Maximus... hey, it's only been six weeks since his initial evaluation, but who's counting.  Time to get to work.  ...or, work some more, I mean.

Toodles.  Ima work in a nap both Saturday AND Sunday... that's just where I'm at peeps.  Happy Weekend!

Damn Weighted Blankets.

First of all, I apologize if you just googled and found me because you too are desperately seeking a damn weighted blanket.  If you are like me and have a hell of a lot more time than money (...it seems to be equalizing lately though... not in a good way) you are seeking a way to make this freaking thing.  ...because, 'how hard could it be to make a blanket?'  ...A BLANKET.  argh.

I also apologize to those that just don't give a shit about weighted blankets.  ...And why would you.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I had not become obsessed with the things.  But here is where I stand.  Moving on.

Having a newborn is hard.  It is hella hard.  Not during the day.  I tend to think that's easy-peasy.  Eat.  Sleep.  Poop.  Eat.  Sleep.  Poop.  And the doctors tell you that you should do the same.  It's the night that becomes ridiculous.  I get nauseous just thinking about it.  I hate the feeling of needing sleep, getting 5 great minutes of it and then being awakened.  It makes me literally nauseous.  And it seems all my babies do the same thing:  perfect angels during the day, little devils at night.  I tip toe around the Hubs because of his crazy early schedule and hold these wee babes into the night while silently praying Fox is running a small marathon of Cops.  Otherwise I'll be subjected to nothing but infomercials... hormones will make me cry about the fact we will not give in and pay for cable.  Anyway.  The kids have been good about quickly sleeping through the night... In fact, Lola began respecting my sleep somewhere around five weeks.  Heaven.  The diva still sleeps 8pm - 9am.

It becomes absolutely ridiculous when your NEARLY THREE YEAR OLD begins screaming at least four times a night.  What.  the.  Hell.  A nice mommy would think, 'poor dear' and console him back to sleep patiently... she also poops glitter and keeps an immaculate house (both as unlikely at the Awesome Abode).  This chick stumbles, very much zombie-fied, into the kids room... throws the blanket back on him and trips back to her own bed... unswayed by the legos, stuffed animals and left over pbj's along the way.  My Maximus cries because his blanket has come off.  Every.  Damn.  Night.

Every.  Night.

At first the family trainer (the pack-n-play lady) told me to make up some sort of curriculum during the day to teach Max how to put his own blanket on at night.  This all seemed so unnecessary but necessary considering little Lola can do this herself.  We worked with it... trouble is, once we realized the kid has Sensory Processing Disorder, it became apparent he just simply cannot put the blanket on himself.  The coordination simply isn't there.

Enter the damn weighted blanket.  They are used to calm kids with Sensory Processing Disorder.  Especially those that are affected proprioceptively, as Max is.  Google that shit.  They are worth, like, a million dollars.  Not really... but $100 and $1000000 is roughly the same to me.  I have now been on a mission to make my own.  I have no sewing skills.  I also just learned what a poly pellet is.  (I've also now schooled the peeps at Hobby Lobby and Michaels...leading me to believe no one ever uses these things, really.)  I am not crafty... this should be a humorous adventure that you can now join me on.  Updates to come.

I'd better go.  It's naptime and he's screaming presently...  deep breaths.  deep breaths.