Effing Eff Eff.

It's really unfortunate that Nike got to it first.  My brain is in one of those moods.  I've said, "Just do it" to myself a million times today.  (It's actually more like "Just 'freaking' do it".)  ...  (let's be honest.  it's more like "Just 'effing' do it".)  What do I mean?  I mean say, I walk around my kitchen a thousand times.  I have set out to clean the counters...  but wait!  time to wake the baby.  back to counters.  but wait!  Coop has a math question.  back to counters.  but wait!  I have to pee.  back to...  something else entirely?  If someone bugged my house and watched from above for one day...  I'm sure I just walk around in completely non-sensical circles.  all. day.  This is the reason, on some days, I look at the Hubs in tears and tell him, "I did a lot today.  I know you can't tell."  (the Hubs doesn't care... but I do.)  I try focusing... You want clean counters?  Just do it.  You want a clean living room?  Just do it.  (...tell the kids to do it.)

This transfers over to other aspects of my world though.  And truly why I feel like a big fat freak in public most days.  My brain runs in circles.  I don't have time to think out any thought completely, really.  ...Or finish tasks or goals I've set.  A good example?  I'm reading out loud to Maximus Prime yesterday when I look down and DEAR GOD!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  I actually lifted my shirt to see.  (Max wasn't impressed either).  My gigantuan waist not only flopped over my belt, but muffin topped around as if I was some sort of bread squashed into a too-small baking pan.  Maybe I'm making too much of it.  Looking straight on in a mirror, it doesn't seem that bad, but I remember to suck in before looking.  This was ugly.  What am I saying?  If I want to lose weight, why don't I... just do it?  (effing do it?)

I look around my house and there's just so many things that need to get done.  Siding.  Painting.  Organizing.  Mowing.  Deck...ing.  Why?  Why aren't they done yet?  Even if it takes money for such things, why not small bites?  and then there is the money...  We need to save more.  There's hardly anything left at the end of the month to save.. but why haven't we saved even the smallest amount that has been left from time to time???  Just.  effing.  do.  it.

It's easier said than done.  True, the day to day gets in the way.  A. Lot.  What's the answer then??  One of those high school study skills class how-to-set-goals worksheets??  Prioritize??  I have 4 kids.  It all seems like a priority.  I've come to a place in my world where I am freaking sick of walking around in circles.  I get so many individual tiny jobs done only to turn around at the end of the day to realize nothing major EVER gets finished.

So while it's amazingly cliche... I need to just do it.