Five For Friday.

It's been an eventful week around the Awesome Abode.  Let's say an interesting two weeks...  Things are looking up!  Was that the sound of actual positivity in my voice??  yup.  I still live much of my life in hyper vigilant anxiety, but I can definitely maybe see a light at the end of our unemployment tunnel. 

Here's my summary of the goings-on lately...  I am tired though.  All six kiddos are under one roof and for some reason the three in diapers have just wanted to poop all damn day.  This entry may make no sense.

1.  The Hubs is working!  Well... part-time.  But part-time is better than no-time!  It's been nearly 5 months since he has had regular earn-a-check work.  I've damn near forgotten how it works.  While trying to figure out how to make this weeks meager check stretch, suddenly it occurred to me, "Wait! He gets another next week!"  Wowzer.  It has just been so long.  It's still a struggle, no doubt, but the company that hired him sought him out and created the position because they liked what he had to offer.  He has been busting his ass to impress the pants off of them and he's hoping that it will lead to a full-time position.  Keep your fingers crossed.  Pray.  Sacrifice a chicken.  Do whatever you have to do.  ...I would like to add that it does not hurt that he now works for the competition of his last employer.  That helps to soothe a bruised ego.

2.  Max is done with school.  I am happy dancing right now... see me?? 

While he does still need to go back next year for speech twice a week, it is an enormous relief to know that everyone will be under one roof for school next year.  We will be on our schedule.  That getting up for the bus junk is for the birds.  I also didn't like thinking, "Oh! No! It's getting late!  Better get Max to sleep so he can get to school tomorrow!" We like to mosey on sometime around a decent bedtime and rouse slowly at a good time in the morning.  Less stress that way.  I tell ya what is stressful though...  considering homeschool curricula and ideas for this little guy.  He's a unique one and his learning style is going to be as unique, I bet. 

3.  Maximus also had a birthday this week.  Apparently it's Max Week.

He's four now.  This seems so old and yet he is so young too.  Someone did me a great dis-service last year at Vacation Bible School.  They looked down at Max who was holding my hand and waiting for his brothers to be dismissed and told him, "Just think, Max! Next year you will get to go to Vacation Bible School!" Max could only babble at the time.  I looked at him and was simply astonished.  I knew at that point that there was no way he could be fully involved in a simple pre-k VBS.  The person who made the comment knew nothing of what we had been going through regarding SPD, speech, the school system or all the questions we had about potential autism.  The question has stuck with me and even as we are about to sign everyone up again I wonder... how will he do with a regular class of children?  He still wears diapers and his speech is not quite discern-able to people outside of our family.  No one will know of the huge strides he's taken just to get where he is and how amazing we think he is.  It's just a simple VBS class, but between you, me and the internet, it makes me a little nervous.  We shall see.

4.  And on that note...  Project Gluten is still a-go.  Now that he's home full time we'll really see where we can get.  It was rough at first, I'm not going to lie.  I do have a habit of making things a little more complicated than necessary though...   Here's where we are:  to plan dinner we buy a meat.  We throw a fruit with it.  We eat a veggie with it.  We eat a salad with it.  There's no gluten in that stuff.  I have figured out that perhaps Kroger is the best place for going gluten-free... if you need anything snazzy like gluten-free cookies, breads, crackers or pasta.  They are whole dollars cheaper than Publix.  Aldi is the very best for price and labeling.  I have really only had to tweak our grocery list a bit.  I'll save our results for a later post, but I will say... It's going pretty well.

5.  Something's bugged me all day.  I wanna share it because if I don't put it somewhere, it will bug me.  And it's my blog... so there.  I don't like talking politics or religion or any of that crap, but here we go.

I went to bed a Christian last night and this morning I was passive-aggressively told I was no longer a Christian.  I shared a post from George Takei last night expressing his joy that the Boy Scouts had voted to allow gay scouts into the organization.  I simply said, "The Boy Scouts are finally getting with the times. Now what about leaders[?]" This morning I woke up to a horrible post from a friend declaring that you cannot have those types of ideas and call yourself a Christian.  Twas complete with verses and damnation.  I have all day pondered then if, after such judgement, I would even want to be lumped into a group of people that would say such a thing.  In our home we teach our children to love everyone.  That love is love.  That God created and loves all of us... regardless of color, religion or sex.  I believe not letting a gay scout sit around a campfire and tie some knots or receive his Eagle after such hard work is as asinine as using separate water fountains or segregating schools.  The only hang up I had about my kid joining Scouts was the fact they were against gay scouts and leaders.  I hope they continue to make these strides so that one day gay leaders can be included.  My children know no difference between the love they see between their Daddy and I and say, Ellen and Portia. Call me Christian... don't call me Christian... call me crazy... I don't give a shit.  I know mine and mine knows me.  

Jumping down from my soapbox.   

I feel better now.  I realize this is just as passive-aggressive perhaps.  I realize The Facebook shouldn't get to me so much...  but sometimes that's the only socialization I receive during a busy day...  why's somebody gotta muck it up with that crap?  Sigh. 

So on we go...  Everyday a little bit better.  Things are progressing.  Everyday I feel a little more normal, although I am still eternally grateful for the lessons we've learned along the way.  New normal. 

Have an awesome weekend folks.  Remember the reason we are free to barbeque and relax on Monday.

Don't Be Person A

As I see it, there are two types of people in the world.

The type that says, "You aren't going to have any more, ARE you?"

...and the type that says, "Are you going to have any more?"

I am talking about kids here.  Am I going to have any more kids.  Maybe you think this is pretty close-minded of me, but I can tell many, many different things about a person in the way they ask me that question.  And I ultimately know, in 1.5 seconds if I like that person or not.  Bridges can also be burned by asking me this question and cocking your head just so... even if I've known you for years.

Let's call them Person A and Person B.

I would like to publicly announce that I freaking live for being asked, "You aren't going to have any more, ARE you?" by Person A.  I should also add, Person A, that I am just fucking with you.  When you ask me your question, I will cock my head just as you do and politely reply in a soft voice, "That's up to God."  Is this my true answer?  No.  Well, yes and no.  I plan on Finn being our last, but I do believe that God gets the final say.  If He decides it's so, well... it is.  Isn't it?  By the look on your face though I can tell that if I found myself in that position abortion is clearly the only answer.  You believe I truly have too much on my plate.  For sure your tax dollars are being used and therefore wasted on my family.  What??  No, no!  You would never...  you just meant... that's not what you were saying!!  When I say "That's up to God," you will catch your breath and say, "How old is your oldest?"  I will say, "7" and you will do quick math in your head.  After I lay out all their ages for you, you will follow with, "well thank goodness you have 2 of them in school! right??"  I will look you right in your little eyeballs and say, "actually, we homeschool."  I will sit back and wait for that to sink in and you have many different responses...  "my, you DO have a lot on your plate!", "WHAT?", "how do you DO it?"  You think all these responses are okay because somehow you are complimenting me.  I hear instead, "Wow.  You are quite the weirdo.  Ima back away slowly because I just don't know what else to say."  I DO walk away because I know you don't see anymore in me than a homeschooling mom of a lot of kids.  Frankly, that conversation got as far as it did because I just like to see you stumble on your words.

Person B.  You are cool with me.  Maybe you've seen me at church where all my little ducklings know how to silently peacefully moderately quietly sit through mass.  Maybe you know us from Scouts or the library, some of the places where the minions receive this "SOCIALIZATION" that everyone freaks out about.  Maybe you've noticed that we all look pretty happy and, hey... who wouldn't want to be a part of that party??  I like you, Person B.  You seem fun and unassuming.  You ask in such a non-chalant, cheery way that I can simply reply...

"NO.  Oh my gosh... no.  Boy these guys are so much work.  It's a happy chaos, but I am TIRED."



...don't be Person A.

Pandemonium Ensued.

There is a woman I put on a pedestal.  Well... an upside down pedestal.  What's the opposite of a pedestal?  A hole?  no.  How to put this.  I thought she was just great, but made her my example of what NOT to be.  The Hubs and I would say, "Well at least we're not the Smiths*!" 

A few years back...  Mayhaps Caleb was around, maybe a Coop...  I was teaching kindergarten at church.  The Smiths were one of THOSE large Catholic families who seemed to have a kid in every class available at church.  I hadn't put much deep thought into their family until my youth minister leaned over one morning and said something about the fact that the family's hair was always just a mess.  (For reals.  A mess.)  It was then that I really noticed the mom.  She.  looked.  tired.  Tired.  Her hair was the same, unkempt.  I would tell the Hubs every Sunday, "Man!  I should just offer her a free massage.  She just radiates that she needs one!!"  It had come to my attention that she homeschooled ALL her kids as well.  Freak. 

She became to me my epitome of the tired, worn out mother.  She obviously lacked any time to herself...  no time to shop for modern clothes or even brush her hair, really.  I formed cruel opinions of her.  Decided I was sooo much cooler than that.  No matter what, I would never end up like Mrs. Smith.  Never throw my hair up in a disgusting pony tail.  Never obviously neglect the appearance of my children.  I was certainly not going to have as many kids as her.  I could never get an accurate count, but thought she had seven, SEVEN children.

It was later in that kindergarten year, after the kids had dominated the Sign of the Cross, that my ever over-indulgent ego thought I would teach the class the Our Father.  "Children"  I said, "Has anyone ever heard of the Our Father?"  It was then that one of the Smith kids raised his hand and said he did.  "Of course you do."  I thought to myself.  ugh.  "Go ahead Bob*,"  I said in front of the class.  "Recite the Our Father for us." 

And so he said, "Okay....  but do you mind if I say it in LATIN?"

Mmm.  Hmmm.  In my mind I was freaking out a little.  Wheels began cranking.  I rubbed an imaginary chin.  Re-thought everything I thunk in two seconds time.  "duuuh... go ahead."

Twas then that I began to think homeschooling may just be... the shit.

When I decided to homeschool Coop, Mrs. Smith was the first person I asked, "Uh... what the hell??"  Looking back, the decision to homeschool is simple.  Being a newbie... it's ridiculous.  She was insanely helpful.  My earlier opinions slowly fell away.  I didn't see the tired mom, instead I saw a mom that didn't care about appearance.  Her priorities are just totally different. 

Hold the phone though.  She's still the church joke.  Or she was.  All those kids.  Homeschooling.  Freakazoid. 

I mozied into church with the Hubs yesterday to pick up three of the minions from vacation bible school.  I was looking pretty amazingly hot.  Unbrushed pony tail.  Thrift store yoga pants.  Kawasaki tee shirt.  (Cause I ride motorcycles, like, constantly.)  We had the two little ones with us.  Quickly the church lobby busted out into fitful roars of laughter.  (Not really, I think a few people were tee-hee-heeing in the corner).  We walked up on a group of gabby ladies.  The short annoying one, who always, always asks about my mother (I've never mentioned her... have I... there's reasons for that...) giggles and says, "There you are!  Someone just told me you were expecting!"  Always the smart ass, I said, "yep.  here I am.  There it is." pointing to my belly.  Mrs. Smith strolls over.  The short one says, "Well we were just saying that you're really giving them a run for their money!" pointing to Mrs. Smith.  Mrs. Smith then laughs (mayhaps evil-ly?) and says, "Yep.  I have six kids.  I bet you're going to surpass me!"

This is where I fainted.  Ambulances were called.  Pandemonium ensued. 

Not really.  I giggled and said, "we'll see."  In my brain I said, "Fuck."

Meet the new Mrs. Smith.





*Names changed to protect the innocent and so that I may continue to bitch, bitch, bitch about people (almost) anonymously...

Five For Friday

I have been asked today where I've been.  Where's Five For Friday?  Where did you go??  Well, readers... I did say I was taking a little time off... But let me tell you, it's nice to be missed.  I mean, I am constantly missed, constantly needed...  by people who need their butt wiped.  So, it's nice to be needed or missed by you fairly normal types.  (If you too need your butt wiped however, you have more serious problems that will not be solved here in this blog.  Know what I'm saying, g?)

Back!  ...by semi-popular demand...  Five For Friday.

I will do the best I can.

1.  The Christmas mess is up.  Sorta.  ...As much as humanly possible??  I had but a few hours to look around and take in my living room.  Had it really always been so big??  Before this happened:

...and BAM!  Living room gone again.  They've all enjoyed the jumpy-jump... complete with 100 balls to pelt at people and pick up daily.  The grown ups have enjoyed the fact that their little hairs stand right up like little electricity balls when inside.  ...And when these grown ups scruff their feet along the floor and around the jumpy-jump, they can get a pretty fun jolt out of each little tyke.  Muahahahahaha.

2.  I am up late looking into science curricula.  This deserves one big ridiculous UGH.  I've been here so many times before and I've never made a dang decision.  I grew up in public school.  Therefore I learned evolutionary theory, big bang theory... all that ...stuff.  I always took it as theory.  I went to church and I learned those religious ideas too.  There's plenty of room in my brain for both.  When home schooling however, it would seem that there is only room for one thing:  7 days and 2 peeps in a garden.  I am searching for a happy medium:  all things come from God, but because we do not want to be ignorant of the ways of the world, here are some theories.  How's about that??  I haven't seen this yet.  It is confusing and infuriating.  So I continue on.  One of these days Ima just do it and be done with it.  This kid eats science... loves the stuff... thrives on it.  He wants it.  I may just have to give up some reservations.

3.  Twice this week I've gotten partially out of my mom uniform (pony tail) and heard, "Wow, I had no idea your hair was so long".  I've been growing this crap forever it seems and I'm so glad to finally have gotten over the hump.  I've gone as short as

this before.  Only an inch or two at the longest.  (you should know that as the Hubs was 'trimming' my Z's long locks for the first time, he let the little-bit run in and surprise me with only the front cut.  He was, in fact, business in the front and all party in the back.  We call this a mullet in the South.  This would be my aw-hell-no-not-a-mullet face.)

I digress.  My hair continues to grow ass-bound 'til I get a eh... wild hair.

...It's longer than this now.  But you won't be seeing that because, hello... I have acne.

Anyway.  Someone asked me how long I would let it grow.  I jokingly said I was going to dread this shit.  They laughed and said I wouldn't and if you know my personality, then you know it means that I just might.  hmmm....

4.  We've been 'off of school' for 2 weeks now and these children are driving me nuts.  What these heathens don't realize is that while their little smooshy faces say they are glad they don't have to 'do school', their behavior says they need their freaking schedule back.  dang it.

5.  Yesterday after speech therapy was complete, the speech therapist (who I still believe may suck, but now I like her on a personal level, so this is my problem) asks, "Do you think Max has actually become less intelligible?"  Sigh.  I replied, "yes." and that I was glad she just asked because that makes it truly objective.  We mamas have a way at nit-picking any situation because we are worried.  So we continue to work... even harder.  He's a pretty tough nut to crack.  Lola sits in on his therapy sessions with me and I am beginning to wonder if she will soon have more words under her belt.  She's catching up and it makes my heart ache for Max.  We'll get it, but I have never been accused of being patient.

Well there you have it.  BOOM.  Submitted before midnight.  There's your Five For Friday.  Happy Weekend.  Don't forget to vote for me.  (wink, wink)  ...and vote often.  (please.)

Five for Friday

Oh, the mis-adventures of another week behind us.

1.  First off... I'm not turning the heat on, damnit.  Yes, it is literally freezing here in the south.  I am accustomed to warm temperatures and therefore NOT accustomed to larger than necessary gas bills.  SO.  I'm standing my ground.  I am crazy cold natured.  Which is why the Hubs commented the other day that I will 'cave' before long.  Wrong.  My wallet trumps my comfort.  Sad?  Sure.  But just like I torture family and guests during that awkward time at the end of spring and into the summer with no air conditioning, I am not turning on the heat 'til at least December.  (I do believe the 3rd toe on my left foot is now dead due to frost bite, but damnit.  I am sticking to my guns.)

2.  Speaking of the heat or lack thereof, it has made me look for resourceful ways to heat the house.  For instance, I am currently automatically cleaning the oven for Thanksgiving.  No, not because I care what my family thinks of my absolutely disgusting oven, but because I thought I remembered that it usually makes the house unbearably hot.  Apparently this new-ish oven doesn't work as my last stone-age-beast did.  My 3rd toe is still dead, but the house is crazy stinky. 

3.  I am as thankful as the next gal during this time of Thanksgiving.  Now shut up about it.  I think I must have 30 facebook friends posting for the next 24 days (tell me its 24 and not the next 30...)  everything they can think of that they are thankful for.  Yes, this is my problem.... post away...  but ima just scroll on past if you don't mind.  Seems like excuses to brag sometimes. 

4.  The Hubs and I have realized lately that Z has a very intelligent and quirky sense of humor.  Example:  the other night a documentary just happened to be on PBS about 'Laugh-In'.  It was really just on as background noise...  but hey, Laugh-In is great children's television, right...?  I'm talkin to the Bro on the phone when I realize Z is not just laughing a little at the TV, he is laughing A LOT.  In all the right places.  I don't know that he understood all of it, and I'm hoping he didn't, but he hit all the right queues.  This happens a lot.  The kid has a great laugh and its always been one of his best qualities.  He can follow a joke like no other.

5.  I may have never been a guest blogger on another blog, but I was written about on one today.. does that count as awesome?  I'll let you judge: Cliche Little Blog.  I liked this article for two reasons.  1 - it boosted my self esteem somehow.  I knew we lived life this way, but when people can tell from an objective point of view that the choices you have made are positive ones, it kinda kindles the spirit.  The Hubs and I have been talking a lot lately about 'would-we-be-different-if-we-had-money' sort of situations.  I think we've decided we hope not... we kinda like our Poor and Resourceful attitude.  (Dear God, please do not take this to mean we would not love a little more some cushion in our world.  Amen.)  2 - It's always nice to remember that money is not what makes the world go 'round.  There are days that I think we could argue against that, and the days have been many lately it seems.  Focus, focus, focus. 

well... going to go try to bring my dead toe back to life...  besides, it seems my mouse hand is going the way of the toe.  brr.  Happy Weekend!